


I can still be saved, right?

by Amicus



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Creeper, M/M, i don't know how to tag, i wonder, no it's not, psychodraco, sweet if you looked past some things, what if draco wasn't such a git, what if he just wanted a friend, yundere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-08 23:06:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13468491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amicus/pseuds/Amicus
Summary: if he had a choice, would he have chosen this life?





	I can still be saved, right?

I knew you, I always did, I just pretended not to. how could I not know who you are? I couldn’t believe my eyes when I first laid them on you. A moment I waited long for to happen.

you were walking towards the gates with that redhead stuck to your side. You were the only hope I had, the only possible way for me to get out. was my only way, you were going to save me, get me out of the hell that my bloodline got me into. My only hope to get out of this, and you refused the hand I stretcher to you, all because of that redhead. And left me spiteful and bitter in a way only a child of that age can be. I hated him, and for a second I hated you, but I realized that that couldn’t be your genuine answer, it must be that red head’s effect on you, right?

 People might argue, but I had no love for my father, he was a spineless man living in constant fear. his fear sat on his shoulders and he wanted me to relieve him of it one day. I knew there was going to be no relief in that house, that hollow pit I dwelled in, no intimacy. And you were going to release me from that, but those two keep pushing me back from you, they both are unworthy of your company, to be beside you, no one is. And as puffed my chest is, I wasn't special without pretending to be who I am thought out to be. So, I blindly used the only things my spineless father ever gave me: a reputation and money.

How stupid was I, thinking that if I catch the snitch for you, you would at least look at me as something not so vile. How are you going to save me if you keep looking at me like that? Like that redhead does. That must be the reason, those two. The reason that I am nothing but some vermin to you. Even though I tried to save one and warn the other, they still hate me. Is it because of my father? How different are they from him? if they pass judgments like that, if they give me no chance to prove myself, that I am not him.

 All their hate keeps seeping into you, and you just accept it. How could you? But I guess it’s not all your own hate, right? I could still be saved, right?

I saw it immediately, your scar, when it grew on that buffoon’s forehead. He was acting strange the whole night. I should have guessed when I saw the glasses, that you came to see me. I could have been of more use t you. If I just stopped pretending. But I needed to survive. Until I can be reached. 

I could only steal glances at you from across the room. Why can’t I be there, where you’re smiling, around you. Is it my father? Is it my name? is it my house? if I could choose them I wouldn’t have chosen this. But how could I go against fate? It brought you into existence.

 My father’s conversations around me are growing. like there is something he’s hinting at. I think I know what it is, but I know that I have at least two years before he can force me into it. I still have some time, but before long it will be too late.

 I wanted to impress you with the hippogriff, that’s all I wanted to do. And all I received was pain. I still wonder how I saw you inside the castle when you were just on your way to the forest.

Your name being called was enough to shush the entire hall, was enough to cause worry. The worry was justified and everpresent, no one thought you could survive the dragoon, but those two did help you. Would I have thought of that if I was there? Are they better than me? That can’t be it, right?

 I almost jumped out of the stands when I saw the third flash through the top of the maze. It was Hogwarts victory but, I knew something is wrong, everybody did. And you came out bloodied and broken holding a corpse, I could tell from this far. And I could tell that your hate for me can only grow from that point on.

A thing my dear father can do well is evading the law, and he had no qualms about expecting the same from me. He taught me the killing curse that summer. It was a nauseating thing, like a wet heavy blanket on your shoulders, slithering snake-like into the poor rat my father had me kill.

 Is this what they shot at you? an infant?  is this what you survived? Is this why people fear him? Because he can use this? I would have been disowned if I told my father that I threw up that night, and my night was ridden with fever induced nightmares. What if you died that night how much worse would my life have been? I don’t think I will ever use this curse. But I know a time where I will need it will come.

That redhead kept glaring at me, and when I glared back you joined him. What have I ever done to you? I did nothing but admire you, help you, wish you the best. It’s all my father’s fault. It’s all those two’s fault. All they do is hold you back and make you hate me. How can you save what you hate? It needed to be fixed.

He expects nothing from me, my father, but respect and loyalty. Both from a weaker me. Both I gave in fear. Both I gave in ignorance. But I was smarter and stronger now, more so than before, more than he thought I was. He should have never taught me the killing curse, never made magic so hard to trace in his house, it made treason all that much easier. My mother had my back. Disposing his body and covering his absence was easier than I thought. My mother was always the better wizard. And even in death, he was spineless.

The muggle-born might have been smart, the top of her class, or how people kept whispering while pointing at her, the “brightest witch of her generation”, but I am the second top. yet nobody remembers the one that came in second. she wasn’t the only one that did a little extra reading. The Polyjuice trick that took me two years to figure out is the same one that ended her. Bumping into her was all I needed to do. The redhead and his girlfriend were reason enough for you to believe she did it, that she dyed his clothes as red as his hair. And him calling her out was enough for her to walk all the way to the astronomy tower, you could say she tripped, or jumped. I just pushed her. I almost felt bad. And it’s perfect.

I guess they weren’t so trustworthy if you believed it.

You were so sad for them. Why were you? They weren’t worth it. But as bloodstained as my hands were, I stretched them your way, and you finally took them. There. Perfect. I can be saved now.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hiii~  
> this is my first fic ever.  
> i hope you liked it, it wasn't too short, right?  
> if you liked it, please drop a comment,  
> i would love to read it,  
> or of there is something i missed, please tell me.  
> and please give it lots of love <3  
> thank you for reading this far.


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